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Starmer’s father was a turd truck driver

Starmer’s father was a turd truck driver

Starmer's father was a turd truck driver
Starmer’s father was a turd truck driver

WESTMINSTER, LONDON – Amid public sentiment that all politicians are “talking bullshit”, Prime Minister-designate Keir Starmer promised to usher in an era of “national renewal”.

From our political correspondent: Polly Ticks

In a dawn victory speech marking the end of 14 years of Conservative rule, 61-year-old Starmer assured the British public that Labour would put the country back “at the service of working people” – a promise he must now back up with action.

“Our task is nothing less than the renewal of the ideas that hold this country together. National renewal. Whoever you are, wherever you started in life, if you work hard, if you play by the rules, this country should give you a fair chance to get on,” Starmer declared, adding: “Did I mention that my father was a toolmaker?”

Labour cleared the 326-seat hurdle needed for a parliamentary majority on Friday morning, securing a landslide victory with 411 seats in the House of Commons. This decisive victory reflects widespread discontent with the outgoing Conservative government led by Rishi Sunak, who conceded defeat and took responsibility for the party’s worst result in its history, which so far brought just 119 seats.

Shit truck

Starmer, a former prosecutor and human rights lawyer, wanted to show that politics can be a “force for good”. He wanted to defuse cynicism about the integrity of politicians, declaring: “Make no mistake, this is the great test of politics in this era. The battle for trust is the battle that defines our age.”

Amid the celebratory mood, Starmer must now tackle the huge challenges left behind by his predecessors. Britain faces stagnant economic growth, rising living costs and a devastated national health system. One analysis found that Britons were able to spend or save £10,200 less between 2010 and 2022 compared to economic growth rates between 1998 and 2010.

Starmer’s journey to prove that politicians are not cynical “junk drivers” will be closely watched. The burden of public expectations rests heavily on his shoulders as he tries to translate his election promises into tangible improvements for the country.